My Becoming

A follow-up on yesterday’s post — Ritual + Resonance:

I’ve received so much clarity over the last several days, and finally feel myself crawling out of the void. It might appear I wasn’t in that space for too long, and that’s because every single day I’ve been working on learning about myself and gaining a deep understanding of who I am now and what I actually want.

There was a time I had no fucking idea what I wanted. Then I was in this place where I felt so lost and couldn’t see a direction to go. The uncertainty and uncomfortable feelings all bubbled to the top, and I had to face them white-knuckle style, sans coping mechanisms.

What came of this was clarity on all the things I don’t want. I assumed the reason I wasn’t consistent was because I didn’t trust myself due to still quietly battling addiction. I thought this was why I was iffy about pursuing teaching yoga, making jewelry a business, showing up on here to try to market myself, or gain customers.

Turns out the reason is because I crave deep, meaningful connection and not transactional relationships. I don’t fit in a box; I need freedom to learn, explore, and try new things. I need to write to express myself.

I’ll still be sharing on Instagram. I’m not burning it all to the ground again — just burning most of it. I’m finally choosing me. I can see now the reason I’ve walked the path I have is because that’s exactly what I needed to live free and be radically present in my beautiful life.

I will be sharing more of my story here on Substack — the raw, unfiltered version of what it looks like to walk a path of clarity and peace — clean and sober.

I used to think I had to capitalize on my creativity — if I’m good at it and can make money, it must be part of my purpose. That must be true freedom — entrepreneurship. Then the minute I walked in that direction, I immediately felt trapped. I assumed I’d gone through addiction and been able to walk out the other side and rise so I could help others.

While this is true in some capacity, it will never be about capitalizing on it. If and when I move in this direction, it will be intimate 1:1 conversations. It won’t be a program or something packaged — it will be the real-life path I have walked and actual experiences and examples of my path forward so you can gain clarity on yours.

Learning my Human Design has helped me understand myself on a deeper level. I fully believe it can help everyone open themselves up and uncover the beauty of their own being, their own uniqueness, and come to a place of acceptance about who they are.

I’m someone who is wildly self-aware, and Human Design has only magnified my ability to understand myself and inherently understand others. I believe having this deeper understanding of yourself is an incredible place to start exploring the depths of who you are and why you operate the way you do. From there, you can peel back the layers and work on your own becoming. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.